Friends Outweighing Hatred On The Web
Jul 10 2008 
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Last night, Wayne Sutton and I did a livestream Q&A via Yahoo! Live. Originally, we intended to do it via ustream.tv, however Wayne was have a few technical difficulties with the service only minutes before we were to go live. So, we made a switch to Yahoo! Live.
The conversation with Wayne was great, and initially so was the conversation with our supporters and some of our participants. However, as time wore on, anonymous users started to walk in and spew derogatory remarks all over the place. Louis Gray even caught a couple of screenshots of some of the comments. While it made it much harder for us to answer any questions our real audience might have had, Wayne just encouraged me to ignore them and try to stay focused on the conversation.
Why This Wasn’t Hard For Me
I grew up in an impoverished neighborhood and I’ve seen racism and discrimination in many forms. I’m black, a female, and also a lesbian. That’s 3 ways to discriminate against me and I’ve experienced all three forms before I hit high school and 2 of them before I hit middle school. I’ve seen family members and friends harassed and killed by racist cops in my neighborhood. What happened in the chatroom is better than most of what I’ve experienced.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
A couple of hours after the livestream, Louis Gray and Cyndy Aleo-Carreira posted their thoughts on the situation and profusely apologized to both Wayne and I for having to endure that type of…hatred? Activity? I really don’t know what to call it. However I wish they wouldn’t apologize. I completely understand why they are apologizing and I’m honored and humbled by it. However, they weren’t the ones that caused this situation to happen.
Cyndy seems to feel guilty for not speaking up previously, however it’s not Cyndy’s duty to speak up. It’s nice, yes. However for me, it’s not necessary. You all came to the show, you sat through it with us till the very end and said numerous words of encouragement that I expressed my gratitude for in this video on Seesmic. That’s all I need. You shouldn’t apologize for the behavior of other people because they don’t reflect upon how I view you.
The Power Of Friends
Those people in the chatroom were more annoying than anything because it prevented you all from conversing with Wayne and I. However, they didn’t personally affect me. I really appreciate you all speaking out. I appreciate the support and knowing that you were more disgusted than I was. I guess I’m used to it and I’ve seen much worse in my life. Honestly, I was surprised to see your posts because I had no intentions of making a similar posting. Why? It’s just not a new phenomenon for me.
However, it’s friends and peers like you two that make everything worth it at the end of the day. Your posts have really touched me and I just wanted to say not to worry about how I feel about it personally. I have people like you two standing behind me and that’s more powerful than any word that was stated in that chatroom. The words of my peers and friends will forever ring louder in my mind than any derogatory comment.
Once again, I appreciate the support I truly do. However, I hope you two never apologize to me for someone else’s actions because they don’t reflect upon you for one second.
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You can't change people. You can only be you. And you do that quite well. Keep up the great work and great posts and you have a friend in us at ReadBurner for life!
Excellent response Corvida. I'm not surprised you are prepared for the encountering of racism because clearly racism exists and in many forms. I do think it is our responsibility to shape the context in which dialogue happens. That's easy when its your blog, but less easy in a more forum, chat, or shared commons area. Yes, fine-grained controls for hiding and ignoring are good, but we should take the responsibility through our words and our deeds to tell people what kind of behavior we find acceptable or not.
Hey Corvida, You rock! I applaud you and Wayne for your dignity and courage. I was glad to see a lot of the community come together to speak out against the ignorance. I'm in your corner as well.
You DO rock. But when i say i'm sorry, the apology is sort of an overall statement like “goddamn it, I'm nearly 50 and thought we'd be done with this crap by now”, more than an actual apology.
It's my lame way of saying that I'd like to take every one of those trolls outside and tar and feather them. Life is just too short to spend it bent over in hate. I'm glad you rise above it.
Corvida, I agree with Karoli here that it was more of an apology on behalf of the entire online community we all belong to since some of the members behave in the manner that the majority here denounces. It is really a shame for all of us that such issues arise at all and this is what I think many of us are sorry about: no matter how hard we try and no matter what efforts we invest into building a transparent community that will be comfortable for everyone, we still have not reached it and we still have to witness such situations and you still have to suffer them and explain your feelings. This is not supposed to happen and this is what I am sorry for as well.
Corvida I am sorry that anyone has to endure this type of thing. The world is full of mean people and the internet seems to draw out even the closet mean people. Good for you and Wayne to ignore them and continue on with your livestream! :)
The kind of behavior you write about is all to common. I don't think I have ever seen a thread where a lot of people were involved where someone didn't say something that was unwarranted and completely out of line. The anonymity that is provide by the Internet sometimes brings out the worst in people. It is sort of like the behavior you see from some people on the highway. People who are normally not aggressive in person act like maniacs on the highway due to a perceived anonymity. All you can do is what you are doing. Like you said. ” Sticks and stones…… “
Very well put. It has been pretty clear to me for a while now that you are a class act. This post is further proof.
Well said Corvida. Like you, I don't believe it's necessary for any individual to apologize for the community — but I do respect their support.
Stay strong and keep up the great work
it is our duty, as enlightened individuals, to speak up when we encounter injustice and if we do not fulfill this duty how pray tell will the closed mined masses ever know that there is a better way of living life. when we fail to do so, when we neglect our duty, we not only allow friends and family to face abhorrent conditions but we do not present a manner in which to clear this blight from our society.
when i witness racism in the present, focused upon a person who i hold dear, and i do not speak up, nor only do i experience the pain of guilt but i contribute to the suffering by not helping to bear the burden.
i only can wish i had been there.
these are only words and that is all i can do, write some words.
The cowards would never say these things in person. My wife and I have experienced the raw use of the n* word over and over again while online gaming. It's very disturbing and we've been powerless many times to stop it (but we continue to try).
As a developer, I think that I have a responsibility to try to prevent this from happening. I encourage other developers to consider ways to limit the ability of anonymous users to spew their filth.
yeah, they are just human problems, humans come in lots and lots of varieties, hard for some to handle.
defining one's self as any subset of the continuum is just silly and self-limiting. gradation is everywhere, and we are all things …
it is only the ego that wants to be special, and it is only the ego which fears the “other”.
just be a human being, that is everything
I'm sorry I missed your video segment because I know it would have been interesting (ignoring the trolls clearly).
We need more light shone on this kind of thing. Trolls don't like light.
Corvida, I am now one of your admirers. Srand up for our beliefs, and for the higher aspirations of all of us.
“This is why we can't have nice things!” The only thing racist fools who comment on youtube videos do is make my skin a lot thicker.
Online racism holds no candle at all to IRL racism.
Let me know next time you have a video chat. I'll proudly swing the banhammer. :)
This is it exactly, guys. Shey and Corvida have covered it.
No need to apologize for the community. Most of us are used to this.
I would have to say that I completely missed most of the ignorant comments during the livestream much the same way I ignore most ads.
It's extremely sad that in 2008 I expect things like that to happen once in a while and its disgusting. I am glad you guys just kept going on with the live stream and ignored them. I wish you guys much continued success.
You and Wayne handled this deplorable situation like true pros. It's really sad that this continues to happen. I'm glad to see that you're taking it in stride, showing a lot more decency than I would, but I'm saddened that this happened to you.
Keep on truckin. Hope to see you soon in PDX.
Thanks for speaking out, hon. I'm glad and proud to consider you a friend and want nothing but the best because you're good people, and you deserve it. Onward and upward.
Amen. I'm sorry to hear that the two of you had to go through such immaturity. It's 2008. Just wanted to leave this comment to let you know I enjoy your work and have been reading for quite some time. :)
Corvida, I'm with you in all this. Of course this goes without saying, because being with you is the same as being with myself. That goes without saying, but still I'll say it: “I'm with you”.
Also congratulations and thanks to Wayne, Louis, Cyndy and all the others… for doing what they've done and simply being themselves, i.e. good people, which seems to be pretty hard for some people. Anyway, as we all know, “bad people are unhappy people”. Poor fools!
I know you won't allow yourself to be ruffled by idiots.
Just keep moving, forward and upward ;-)
Drew said: “You can't change people.” I agree, but you CAN change cultural norms. What we tolerate, accept, ignore becomes tacit approval… and those who want to shock must keep turning up the dial to get a response. The more we accept, the worse it will get.
Corvida, you're a brave one. We need more of you.
Just brush that dirt off your shoulder sis….
Proud of you @corvida.
You know I go through this discrimination daily online and offline so you do have to brush it off your shoulders but sometimes you get annoyed with all the ignorance of some people who refuse to listen to you. You are blessed to have a community of individuals who are open to listen and learn. That is called POWER!
Keep your head up and know God is protecting you always!
Those experiences from the past are only going to keep you focused on your goals – I already see that. Big thing ahead C, proud of you :)
I can see that your life experiences are always there to support you as a better person. I don't know much about racism, however it is indeed admirable that you can tolerate such acts in your life.
Rif Chia
I can see that your life experiences are always there to support you as a better person. I don't know much about racism, however it is indeed admirable that you can tolerate such acts in your life.
Rif Chia
I can see that your life experiences are always there to support you as a better person. I don't know much about racism, however it is indeed admirable that you can tolerate such acts in your life.
Rif Chia